Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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