allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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