I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
