My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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