***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
