No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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