I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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