Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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