Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
