I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
