things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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