I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
