Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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