I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
