He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
