Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So many bounce houses so little time
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
