I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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