He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
