Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
