Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
