she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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