That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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