i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
