So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
