so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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