i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
