I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
