my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
