Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
