I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Bring me that man meat
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
is that a dick in a sweater?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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