im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
