I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
