I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
