i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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