I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
