i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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