That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
