do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
