I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
