That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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