im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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