you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
