I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
