Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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