i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
