I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize