so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
