now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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