she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
