The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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