RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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